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Funny poems for kids are an excellent method to introduce youngsters to poetry. In this post, we will share some of the funniest poems for kids with you. Many of them are bite-sized, making them ideal for recitation.
I’ve divided them into categories such as family, wildlife, humor, and much more.
Funny poems for kids provide several advantages for children. Poems are not only a terrific way to convey knowledge to youngsters, but they are also incredibly enjoyable to them.
Poetry recitation and memorization is a pleasant exercise you may do with your child.
As parents, we sometimes underestimate our children’s capacity to memorize things. But don’t forget that our children are like sponges, capable of remembering and retaining a large quantity of information.
Children benefit from the recurrence of funny kids poems because it helps them anticipate and identify forms while also strengthening their memories. These skills are beneficial not just in language but also in other academic topics.
When you read poetry to your child, you are teaching them that the syllables at the end of distinct portions of a poem may repeat. Children can use this knowledge to predict which term will occur at the end of a line.
Guessing these words properly in funny poems for kids helps them understand things they have never seen or properly documented before.
This boosts an adolescent’s self-esteem in their reading abilities while also aiding in language comprehension. Let us now go over some of the poetry we’ve collected for you.
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Best Funny Poems for Kids
This selection of the best funny poems for kids includes poems about everything from animals to humans to creative dreams. These poems are ideal for young children who want to expand their vocabulary and improve their reading abilities.
1. Help Wanted
by Timothy Toucher
Santa needs new reindeer.
The first bunch has grown old.
Dasher has arthritis;
Comet hates the cold.
Prancer’s sick of staring
at Dancer’s big behind.
Cupid married Blitzen
and Donder lost his mind.
Dancer’s mad at Vixen
for stepping on his toes.
Vixen’s being thrown out—
she laughed at Rudolph’s nose.
If you are a reindeer
we hope you will apply.
There is just one tricky part:
You must know how to fly.
2. Granny
by Spike Milligan
Through every nook and every cranny
The wind blew in on poor old Granny
Around her knees, into each ear
(And up her nose as well, I fear)
All through the night the wind grew worse
It nearly made the vicar curse
The top had fallen off the steeple
Just missing him (and other people)
It blew on man, it blew on beast
It blew on nun, it blew on priest
It blew the wig off Auntie Fanny-
But most of all, it blew on Granny!
3. Trouble
by David Keppel
Better never trouble Trouble
Until Trouble troubles you;
For you only make your trouble
Double-trouble when you do;
And the trouble-like a bubble-
That you’re troubling about,
May be nothing but a cipher
With its rim rubbed out.
4. When the Teacher Isn’t Looking
by Kenn Nesbitt
When the teacher’s back is turned,
we never scream and shout.
Never do we drop our books
and try to freak her out.
No one throws a pencil
at the ceiling of the class.
No one tries to hit the fire alarm
and break the glass.
We don’t cough in unison
and loudly clear our throats.
No one’s shooting paper wads
or passing little notes.
She must think we’re so polite.
We never make a peep.
Really, though, it’s just because
we all go right to sleep.
5. Sweet Treat Dream
by Gillian M. Ward
If my world were made of chocolate,
I know what I would do.
I’d make a chocolate mountain
And share it all with you. We’d eat our way up to the top
Until we’d eaten every drop.
Then chocolate clouds and chocolate rain
Would float us back to Earth again.
Chocolate fields and chocolate trees,
Chocolate rivers and chocolate seas,
Chocolate people and chocolate cars,
And houses made of chocolate bars.
Chocolate coats and chocolate hats,
Chocolate dogs and chocolate cats,
Chocolate castles. Oh, what a dream.
I would be known as the Chocolate Queen.
But there’s one thing that would never do,
And I know for sure that this is true.
An end would be put to all our fun
If our world had a chocolate sun!
6. Aerodynamic Mishap
by Gareth Lancaster
I made a paper aeroplane,
It really was the best.
I took my time to make it right,
To that I can attest!
I’d planned it all so thoroughly,
I’d sketched from either side.
I knew that all would be amazed,
To see it swoop and dive.
But its first flight was not to plan,
Though it soared up high.
The teacher turned, it crashed and burned,
And hit her in the eye!
My plane, screwed up, went in the bin,
All agreed it was a shame.
But my teacher’s got a big black eye,
And I’m the one to blame!
7. Don’t Be Silly
by Dave Moran
Are there bugs that live on the moon?
Can July come before June?
Can the sun ever feel cold?
“Don’t be silly” I’m often told.
Why can’t we live under the sea?
The creatures there seem so happy.
Why does cheese look like gold?
“Don’t be silly” I’m often told.
So why are things the way they are?
Has it always been, right from the start?
Will Mickey Mouse ever get old?
“Don’t be silly” I’m often told.
So, in good time I know I’ll grow,
And I will learn, this I know.
I’ll ask my questions and be bold,
“And that’s not silly” I’ll be told.
8. The Attraction of Levitation
by H.G. Paine
“Oh, dear!” said little Johnny Frost,
“Sleds are such different things!
When down the hill you swiftly coast
You’d think that they had wings;
“But when uphill you slowly climb,
And have to drag your sled,
It feels so heavy that you’d think
‘Twas really made of lead.
“And all because an Englishman,
Sir Isaac Newton named,
Invented gravitation, and
Became unduly famed;
“While if he had reversed his law,
So folks uphill could coast,
It seems to me he would have had
A better claim to boast.
“Then coasting would all pleasure be;
To slide up would be slick!
And dragging sleds downhill would be
An awful easy trick!”
9. The Scissor-Man
by Madeleine Nightingale
Sing a song of Scissor-men,
Mend a broken plate,
Bring your knives and garden shears,
Will do them while you wait.
Buzz-a-wuzz! Buzz-a-wuzz!
Fast the wheel or slow.
Ticker Tacker! Ticker Tack!
Rivets in a row.
Sing a song of Scissor-men,
Sitting in the sun.
Sing it when the day begins.
Sing it when it’s done.
Be it hard or be it soft.
Here’s a jolly plan;
Sing to make the work go well,
Like the Scissor-man.
10. Bed in Summer
by Robert Louis Stevenson
In Winter I get up at night
And dress by yellow candle light.
In Summer, quite the other way,
I have to go to bed by day.
I have to go to bed and see
The birds still hopping on the tree,
Or hear the grown-up people’s feet
Still going past, me in the street.
And does it not seem hard to you,
When all the sky is clear and blue,
And I should like so much to play,
To have to go to bed by day?
Famous Funny Poems for Kids
Laughter is the best remedy, so why not tickle your child’s funny bone with these famous poems for kids? We’ve compiled a list of hilarious poems for kids that will undoubtedly make them laugh and make them want to study them.
1. A Baby Sardine
by Spike Milligan
A baby sardines
Saw her first submarine:
She was scared and watched through a peephole.
“Oh come, come, come,”
Said the sardine’s mum.
“It’s only a tin full of people.”
2. There Was an Old Man of West Dumpet
by Edward Lear
There was an old man of West Dumpet,
Who possessed a large nose like a trumpet;
When he blew it aloud?
It astonished the crowd,
And was heard through the whole of
West Dumpet.
3. The Mad Gardener’s Song
by Lewis Carroll
He thought he saw an Elephant,
That practiced on a fife:
He looked again, and found it was
A letter from his wife.
‘At length I realized,’ he said,
The bitterness of Life!’
He thought he saw a Buffalo
Upon the chimney-piece:
He looked again, and found it was
His Sister’s Husband’s Niece.
‘Unless you leave this house,’ he said,
“I’ll send for the Police!’
He thought he saw a Rattlesnake
That questioned him in Greek:
He looked again, and found it was
The Middle of Next Week.
‘The one thing I regret,’ he said,
‘Is that it cannot speak!’
He thought he saw a Banker’s Clerk
Descending from the bus:
He looked again, and found it was
A Hippopotamus.
‘If this should stay to dine,’ he said,
‘There won’t be much for us!’
He thought he saw a Kangaroo
That worked a coffee-mill:
He looked again, and found it was
A Vegetable-Pill.
‘Were I to swallow this,’ he said,
‘I should be very ill!’
He thought he saw a Coach-and-Four
That stood beside his bed:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bear without a Head.
‘Poor thing,’ he said, ‘poor silly thing!
It’s waiting to be fed!’
He thought he saw an Albatross
That fluttered round the lamp:
He looked again, and found it was
A Penny-Postage Stamp.
‘You’d best be getting home,’ he said:
‘The nights are very damp!’
He thought he saw a Garden-Door
That opened with a key:
He looked again, and found it was
A Double Rule of Three:
‘And all its mystery,’ he said,
‘Is clear as day to me!’
He thought he saw an Argument
That proved he was the Pope:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bar of Mottled Soap.
‘A fact so dread,’ he faintly said,
‘Extinguishes all hope!’
4. The Quangle Wangle’s Hat
by Edward Lear
On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat.
For his Hat was a hundred and two feet wide,
With ribbons and bibbons on every side,
And bells, and buttons, and loops, and lace,
So that nobody ever could see the face
Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.
The Quangle Wangle said
To himself on the Crumpetty Tree,
“Jam, and jelly, and bread
Are the best of food for me!
But the longer I live on this Crumpetty Tree
The plainer than ever it seems to me
That very few people come this way
And that life on the whole is far from gay!”
Said the Quangle Wangle Quee.
But there came to the Crumpetty Tree
Mr. and Mrs. Canary;
And they said, “Did ever you see
Any spot so charmingly airy?
May we build a nest on your lovely Hat?
Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that!
O, please let us come and build a nest
Of whatever material suits you best,
Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!”
And besides, to the Crumpetty Tree
Came the Stork, the Duck, and the Owl;
The Snail and the Bumble-Bee,
The Frog and the Fimble Fowl
(The Fimble Fowl, with a Corkscrew leg);
And all of them said, “We humbly beg
We may build our homes on your lovely Hat, –
Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that!
Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!”
And the Golden Grouse came there,
And the Pobble who has no toes,
And the small Olympian bear,
And the Dong with a luminous nose.
And the Blue Baboon who played the flute,
And the Orient Calf from the Land of Tute,
And the Attery Squash, and the Bisky Bat, –
All came and built on the lovely Hat
Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.
And the Quangle Wangle said
To himself on the Crumpetty Tree,
“When all these creatures move
What a wonderful noise there’ll be!”
And at night by the light of the Mulberry moon
They danced to the Flute of the Blue Baboon,
On the broad green leaves of the Crumpetty Tree,
And all were as happy as happy could be,
With the Quangle Wangle Quee.
5. Away down East, Away Down West
by Anonymous
Away down east.
Away down west.
Away down Alabama.
The only girl
That I love best
Her name is Suzy Anna.
I took her to a ball one night
And sat her down to supper.
The table fell and she fell too
And stuck her nose in butter.
The butter, the butter
The holy margarine.
Two black eyes and a jelly nose.
And all the rest painted green.
6. A Nonsense Song
by Stephen Vincent Benet
Rosemary, Rosemary, let down your hair!
The cow’s in the hammock, the crow’s in the chair!
I was making you songs out of sawdust and silk,
But they came in to call and they spilt them like milk.
The cat’s in the coffee, the wind’s in the east,
He screams like a peacock and whines like a priest
And the saw of his voice makes my blood turn to mice-
So let down your long hair and shut off his advice!
Pluck out the thin hairpins and let the waves stream,
Brown-gold as brook-waters that dance through a dream,
Gentle-curled as young cloudlings, sweet-fragrant as bay,
Till it takes all the fierceness of living away.
Oh, when you are with me, my heart is white steel,
But the bat’s in the belfry, the mold’s in the meal,
And I think I hear skeletons climbing the stair!
-Rosemary, Rosemary, let down your bright hair!
7. The Walrus and the Carpenter
by Lewis Carroll
‘The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright—
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done—
“It’s very rude of him,” she said,
“To come and spoil the fun!”
The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead—
There were no birds to fly.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
We’re walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
“If this were only cleared away,”
They said, “it WOULD be grand!”
“If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose,” the Walrus said?
“That they could get it clear?”
“I doubt it,” said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.
“O Oysters, come and walk with us!”
The Walrus did beseech.
“A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.”
The eldest Oyster looked at him.
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head—
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat—
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn’t any feet.
Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more—
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.
“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax—
Of cabbages—and kings—
And why the sea is boiling hot—
And whether pigs have wings.”
“But wait a bit,” the Oysters cried,
“Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!”
“No hurry!” said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.
“A loaf of bread,” the Walrus said,
“Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed—
Now if you’re ready Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.”
“But not on us!” the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue,
“After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!”
“The night is fine,” the Walrus said
“Do you admire the view?
“It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!”
The Carpenter said nothing but
“Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf—
I’ve had to ask you twice!”
“It seems a shame,” the Walrus said,
“To play them such a trick,
After we’ve brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!”
The Carpenter said nothing but
“The butter’s spread too thick!”
“I weep for you,” the Walrus said.
“I deeply sympathize.”
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size.
Holding his pocket handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
“O Oysters,” said the Carpenter.
“You’ve had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?”
But answer came there none—
And that was scarcely odd, because
They’d eaten every one.’
8. A Beetle once sat on a Barberry
by Twig Leroy F. Jackson
A beetle once sat on a barberry twig,
And turned at the crank of a thingum-a-jig.
Needles for hornets, nippers for ants,
For the bumblebee baby a new pair of pants,
For the grizzled old gopher, a hat and a wig,
The beetle ground out of his thingum-a-jig.
9. The Camel’s Complaint
by Charles E. Carryl
Canary-birds feed on sugar and seed,
Parrots have crackers to crunch;
And, as for the poodles, they tell me the noodles
Have chickens and cream for their lunch.
But there’s never a question
About MY digestion—
Anything does for me!
Cats, you’re aware, can repose in a chair,
Chickens can roost upon rails;
Puppies are able to sleep in a stable,
And oysters can slumber in pails.
But no one supposes
A poor Camel dozes—
Any place does for me!
Lambs are enclosed where it’s never exposed,
Coops are constructed for hens;
Kittens are treated to houses well heated,
And pigs are protected by pens.
But a Camel comes handy
Wherever it’s sandy—
Anywhere does for me!
People would laugh if you rode a giraffe,
Or mounted the back of an ox;
It’s nobody’s habit to ride on a rabbit,
Or try to bestraddle a fox.
But as for a Camel, he’s
Ridden by families—
Any load does for me!
“A snake is as round as a hole in the ground,
And weasels are wavy and sleek;
And no alligator could ever be straighter
Then lizards that live in a creek.
But a Camel’s all lumpy
And bumpy and humpy—
Any shape does for me!”
10. As I went over the water
by Anonymous
As I went over the water.
The water went over me.
I saw two little blackbirds
Sitting on a tree;
One called me a rascal,
And one called me a thief,
I took up my little black stick
And knocked out all their teeth.
As I went over the water.
The water went over me.
I saw two little blackbirds
Sitting on a tree;
One called me a rascal,
And one called me a thief,
I took up my little black stick
And knocked out all their teeth.
Short Funny Poems for Kids
Why are short funny kids poems so effective? They’re in and gone in a flash. We’re dealing with children here, and they typically have little patience for poetry that go on for too long. As a result, these short poems will go great with them.
1. The Vulture
by Hilaire Belloc
The Vulture eats between his meals,
And that’s the reason why
He very, very, rarely feels
As well as you and I.
His eye is dull, his head is bald,
His neck is growing thinner.
Oh! what a lesson for us all
To only eat at dinner!
2. Tom Tigercat
by J. Patrick Lewis
Tom Tigercat is noted
for his manners and his wit.
He wouldn’t think of lion,
No, he doesn’t cheetah bit.
Tom never pretended
to be something that he’s not.
I guess that’s why we like him
and why he likes ocelot.
3. Herbert Hilbert Hubert Snod
by Denise Rodgers
Herbert Hilbert Hubert Snod
was known for eating all things odd.
The thing that bothered me the most
has he spread toothpaste on his toast?
“It’s springtime fresh, so cool and minty.”
His smiling eyes were bright and squinty.
On baked potatoes, he would slather
one half can of shave cream lather.
I don’t know how his tum could cope
as he ingested cubes of soap.
At times his food choice made a scene;
at least he kept his innards clean.
4. Room with a View
by Stephen Swinburne
I live in a room by the sea,
where the view is great and the food is free.
Some of the tenants come and go.
Some I eat, if they’re too slow.
One end of me is firmly locked.
The other end just gently rocks.
I live in a room by the sea.
It’s perfect for an anemone.
5. Little Boy Blue
by Darren Sardelli
Little Boy Blue, please cover your nose.
You sneezed on Miss Muffet and ruined her clothes.
You sprayed Mother Hubbard, and now she is sick.
You put out the fire on Jack’s candlestick.
Your sneeze is the reason why Humpty fell down.
You drenched Yankee Doodle when he came to town.
The blind mice are angry! The sheep are upset!
From now on, use a tissue so no one gets wet!
6. Daddy Fell into the Pond
by Alfred Noyes
Everyone grumbled. The sky was grey.
We had nothing to do and nothing to say.
We were nearing the end of a dismal day,
And then there seemed to be nothing beyond,
Then Daddy fell into the pond!
And everyone’s face grew merry and bright,
And Timothy danced for sheer delight.
“Give me the camera, quick, oh quick!
He’s crawling out of the duckweed!” Click!
Then the gardener suddenly slapped his knee,
And doubled up, shaking silently,
And the ducks all quacked as if they were daft,
And it sounded as if the old drake laughed.
Oh, there wasn’t a thing that didn’t respond
When Daddy Fell into the pond!
7. The Upside-Down World
by Hamish Hendry
I know a place that holds the Sky
A place where little white clouds lie;
The edge is all green as Grass,
The middle is as smooth as Glass;
And there the round sun makes his Bed;
And there a tree stands on its Head;
Sometimes a Bird sits on that Tree;
Sometimes it sings a song to me;
And always in that shining place
I see a little smiling Face;
She nods and smiles; but all the same
The Girl down there won’t tell her name.
8. The Silliest Teacher in School
by Darren Sardelli
Our teacher gave detention
to the fountains in the hall.
She handed extra homework
to the artwork on the wall.
We saw her point a finger
at a banner and a sign.
She said their bad behavior
was completely out of line.
The principal approached her
and said, “What is all this fuss?
I heard you tried to punish
all the tires on a bus.
“You’ve made the teachers angry
by disrupting all their classes,
so, if you want to keep this job,
you have to wear your glasses!”
9. Snowball
by Shel Silverstein
I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I’d keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first, it wet the bed.
10. Standing on a Chair
by Steve Hanson
I’m standing on a chair!
I’m standing on a chair!
I don’t know why Mom’s worried
I’m just standing on a chair!
You’d think she’d be freaked out
By the lion in my room
But seeing shoes on fabric
Is what makes her fume.
I bath with toxic jellyfish.
I ride a crocodile.
But if I’m on the sofa then
Her mood becomes hostile.
I often sleep with scorpions
And wrestle with a bear.
I don’t know why Mom’s worried.
I’m just standing on a chair!
Silly Funny Poems for Kids
A good chuckle is the best medicine in the world. Children, like adults, enjoy laughing and clowning about. Obviously, silly and funny poems for kids tap into this inherent desire in them and make them laugh. So, please share these poems with your kids.
1. Be Glad Your Nose Is on Your Face
by Jack Prelutsky
Be glad your nose is on your face,
not pasted on some other place,
for if it were where it is not,
you might dislike your nose a lot.
Imagine if your precious nose
were sandwiched in between your toes,
that clearly would not be a treat,
for you’d be forced to smell your feet.
Your nose would be a source of dread
was it attached atop your head?
it soon would drive you to despair,
forever tickled by your hair.
Within your ear, your nose would be
an absolute catastrophe,
for when you were obliged to sneeze,
your brain would rattle from the breeze.
Your nose, instead, through thick and thin,
remains between your eyes and chin,
not pasted on some other place–
be glad your nose is on your face!
2. Turn Off the TV!
by Bruce Lansky
My father gets quite mad at me;
my mother gets upset—
when they catch me watching?
our new television set.
My father yells, “Turn that thing off!”
Mom says, “It’s time to study.”
I’d rather watch my favorite TV show
with my best buddy.
I sneak down after homework
and turn the set on low.
But when she sees me watching it,
my mother yells out, “No!”
Dad says, “If you don’t turn it off,
I’ll hang it from a tree!”
I rather doubt he’ll do it,
Cause he watches more than me.
He watches sports all weekend,
and weekday evenings too,
while munching chips and pretzels—
the room looks like a zoo.
So, if he ever got the nerve
to hang it from a tree,
he’d spend a lot of time up there—
watching it with me
3. My Butler
by Steve Hanson
My mom got me a butler
To help out with the chores.
I have him fold my laundry
Then place them in my drawers.
He puts away my toys.
He brings me all my snacks.
But I’m sure his training
Was a little lax.
When he makes my bed,
The pillow’s near my feet.
If he sweeps the floor
The right side’s incomplete.
He never clears the dishes
Without dropping some.
I even caught him dusting
While trying to suck his thumb.
I told my mom, “He’s lazy!
I want to have another.”
But we have to keep him
Because he is my brother.
4. Blueing
by Arden Davidson
Looth Tooth
I’ve got a looth tooth
that wigglth and jigglth and wrigglth.
I move it around
but it never comth out of my mouth.
I pull it, I yank it,
I twirl it, I thank it,
but it jutht never theems
to want to come out
of ith houth.
I’d call the Tooth Fairy,
but she’th kinda thcary,
Tho I thrill cannot theem to be free
of thith wiggly looth tooth,
that to tell you the truth,
ith makin’ a thap outa me.
I’m going to give it
one thuper thtrong yank,
cuth I really could uthe thome money.
Great Scott! It’s out! At last, it’s out!
But now I’m talking funny.
I walked outside, and saw a blue dragon,
He was sitting, in a blue wagon.
I asked the dragon, what are you doing?
He replied and said, “I’m just blueing!”
I walked to the pond and saw a blue frog,
He was wearing blue running shoes, on his morning jog.
I asked the frog, what are you doing?
He replied and said, “I’m just blueing!”
I walked to up a hill, and saw a blue bunny,
She was drinking tea and counting her blue money.
I asked the frog, what are you doing?
She replied and said, “I’m just blueing!”
I stopped walking, I was very confused,
They were all laughing, I wasn’t amused.
I asked the dragon, frog, and bunny, “What is Blueing?”
They replied, “That’s the name of the gum that we’re chewing!”
5. Farts
by Steve Hanson
I was really gassy
visiting New York.
There were many times
I wished I had a cork.
I farted at museums
with Lady Liberty.
Then I was on Wall Street
and really set them free.
I tooted in Time Square
and blasted Central Park.
When we watched a play,
I butt-honked after dark.
I farted all the time.
I farted myself silly.
If you go to New York,
do not eat any chili!
6. Exams
by Steve Hanson
Today we got the first pop quiz
I could actually do!
Usually when we take a test
I haven’t got a clue.
The first question was easy:
Find a booger in your nose.
Then wipe it on the paper
instead of on your clothes.
I had to list ten chocolate bars
and nine video games.
Then I had to come up
with a dozen crazy claims.
7. Carpet Seeds
by Steve Hanson.
I sprinkled carpet seeds
before going to bed.
They’re tiny little pods
of balled-up dark green thread
Immediately my floor
sprouted fine green hair.
It grew up through my toes!
I leaped onto the chair!
A rug crept up the wall.
My room had Berber drawers.
A tapestry had grown
clear across the doors.
A dozen fiber vines
tangled through my room.
A nylon carpet flower
opened in full bloom.
I could not believe
the way the fabric spread…
I’m glad I didn’t plant
the leopard seeds instead!
8. I’m Going to Be Famous
by Steve Hanson.
I’m going to be famous!
I’m going to be great!
For every award
I’m the best candidate.
I’ve got an idea
to solve world peace.
I know how to force
every famine to cease.
I’ll power our town
with four sweaty socks
Or make a vaccine
for every pox.
I’ll reduce the garbage
in landfills by nine.
Wherever you’re shopping,
there won’t be a line.
I’d love to complete
all of this before bed
But Mom wants my room
to be cleaned up instead!
9. My Sister’s Room
by Denise Rodgers
I have plans for my sister’s room
Which I’ve renamed the den of doom,
While she is gone for three days (three!)
With plans to have more fun than me.
There’s ice cream for her pillowcase
(Nice and sticky for her face).
Rubber spiders for her sheets,
(A nice and soothing bed-time treat.)
I’ll read her journal — glue it shut,
And tell my mom it’s filled with smut.
I’ll stuff her shoes with pistachios,
Her posters I’ll mustachio.
Give me time, I’ll think of more.
What’s that? My sister locked her door!?!
I’m so angry I could bust.
It’s sad when sisters don’t have trust.
10. My Uncle Jack
by Denise Rodgers.
This poem is a tale about my Uncle Jack
who has hair on his legs, on his arms, on his back,
on his knees, on his hands, hair all over the place.
And if he didn’t shave, he’d have hair on his face.
The only place lacking of hair is his head.
He has a white dome of smooth skin there instead.
He peels fresh bananas and eats like Gozilla.
By no, you have guessed . . .
He’s a piebald gorilla.
Cute Funny Poems for Kids
This section of cute poems for children is dedicated to those poems that make us grin or chuckle. There are lengthy and short ones, intricate and simple ones, but they are usually cheerful and have a funny tone to them. Children are likely to choose a favorite and want to read it over and over.
1. I Have a Little Frog
by Anonymous
I have a little frog
His name is Tiny Tim,
I put him in the bathtub,
To see if he could swim,
He drank up all the water,
And gobbled up the soap!
And when he tried to talk
He had a BUBBLE in his throat!
2. The Quarrel
by Maxine Kumin
Said a lightning bug to a firefly,
“Look at the lightning bugs fly by!”
“Silly dunce!” said the fly. “What bug ever flew?
Those are fireflies. And so are you.”
“Bug!” cried the bug. “Fly!” cried the fly.
“Wait!” said a glowworm happening by.
“I’m a worm,” squirmed the worm. “I glimmer all night.
You are worms, both of you. I know that I’m right.”
“Fly!” cried the fly. “Worm!” cried the worm.
“Bug!” cried the bug. “I’m standing firm!”
Back and forth through the dark each shouted his word
Till their quarrel awakened the early bird.
“You three noisy things, you are all related,”
She said to the worm, and promptly ate it.
With a snap of her bill, she finished the fly,
And the lightning bug was the last to die.
All glowers and glimmerers, there’s a MORAL:
Shine if you must, but do not quarrel.
3. The Tiger Who Wore White Gloves
by Gwendolyn Brooks
There once was a tiger, terrible and tough,
who said “I don’t think tigers are stylish enough?
They put on only orange and stripes of fierce black.
Fine and fancy fashion is what they mostly lack.
Even though they proudly
speak most loudly,
so that the jungle shakes
and every eye awakes—
Even though they slither
hither and thither
in such a wild way
that few may care to stay—
to be tough just isn’t enough.”
These things the tiger said,
And growled and tossed his head,
and rushed to the jungle fair
for something fine to wear.
Then! —what a hoot and yell
upon the jungle fell
The rhinoceros rasped!
The elephant gasped!
“By all that’s sainted!”
said wolf—and fainted.
The crocodile cried.
The lion sighed.
The leopard sneered.
The jaguar jeered.
The antelope shouted.
The panther pouted.
Everyone screamed
“We never dreamed
that ever could be
in history
a tiger who loves
to wear white gloves.
White gloves are for girls
with manners and curls
and dresses and hats and bow-ribbons.
That’s the way it always was
and rightly so, because
it’s nature’s nice decree
that tiger folk should be
not dainty, but daring,
and wisely wearing
what’s fierce as the face,
not whiteness and lace!”
They shamed him and shamed him—
till none could have blamed him,
when at last, with a sigh
and a saddened eye,
and in spite of his love,
he took off each glove,
and agreed this was meant
all to prevail:
each tiger contents
with his lashing tail
and satisfied
with his strong striped hide.
4. Adventures of Isabel
by Ogden Nash
Isabel met an enormous bear,
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t care;
The bear was hungry, the bear was ravenous,
The bear’s big mouth was cruel and cavernous.
The bear said, Isabel, glad to meet you,
How do, Isabel, now I’ll eat you!
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry.
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.
She washed her hands and she straightened her hair up,
Then Isabel quietly ate the bear up.
Once in a night as black as pitch
Isabel met a wicked old witch.
the witch’s face was cross and wrinkled,
The witch’s gums with teeth were sprinkled.
Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed,
I’ll turn you into an ugly toad!
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry,
She showed no rage and she showed no rancor,
But she turned the witch into milk and drank her.
Isabel met a hideous giant,
Isabel continued self-reliant.
The giant was hairy, the giant was horrid,
He had one eye in the middle of his forehead.
Good morning, Isabel, the giant said,
I’ll grind your bones to make my bread.
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.
She nibbled the zwieback that she always fed off,
And when it was gone, she cut the giant’s head off.
Isabel met a troublesome doctor,
He punched and he poked till he really shocked her.
The doctor’s talk was of coughs and chills
And the doctor’s satchel bulged with pills.
The doctor said unto Isabel,
Swallow this, it will make you well.
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.
She took those pills from the pill concocter,
And Isabel calmly cured the doctor.
5. About the Teeth of Sharks
by John Ciardi
The thing about a shark is—teeth,
One row above, one row beneath.
Now take a close look. Do you find
It has another row behind?
Still closer—here, I’ll hold your hat:
Has it a third row behind that?
Now look in and… Look out! Oh my,
I’ll never know now! Well, goodbye.
6. How to paint a donkey
by Naomi Shihab Nye
She said the head was too large,
the hooves too small.
I could clean my paintbrush
but I couldn’t get rid of that voice.
While they watched,
I crumpled him,
let his blue body
stain my hand,
I cried when he hit the can.
She smiled. I could try again.
Maybe this is what I unfold in the dark,
deciding for the rest of my life,
that donkey was just the right size.
7. Mommies
by Nikki Giovanni
MOMMIES
Make you brush your teeth
And put your old clothes on
And clean the room
And call you from the playground
And fuss at daddies and uncles
And tuck you in at night
And kiss you
8. Topsyturvey-World
by William Brighty Rands
If the butterfly courted the bee,
And the owl the porcupine;
If churches were built in the sea,
And three times one was nine;
If the pony rode his master,
If the buttercups ate the cows,
If the cat had the dire disaster
To be worried, sir, by the mouse;
If mamma, sir, sold the baby
To a gipsy for half-a-crown;
If a gentleman, sir, was a lady-
The world would be Upside-Down!
If any or all of these wonders
Should ever come about,
I should not consider them blunders,
For I should be Inside-Out!
9. A Riddle
by Anonymous
The man in the wilderness asked of me
How many strawberries grew in the sea?
I answered him as I thought good,
As many as red herrings grow in the wood.
10. A Mouse in the Room
by Anonymous
A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd.
She was frightened and screamed very loud.
Then a happy thought hit her-
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and meowed.
Funny Poems for Kids about School
Poems for kids about school are a good place to start because they are readily learned and liked by children. To help you get started, we’ve created a list of school poems for your child that are not only entertaining to recite but also have a lot of educational value for them.
1. The Class Clown
by Gershon Wolf
He’s the class clown, full of hijinks and pranks,
Puts tacks on your seat, swallows’ fish from the tank.
He’s full of you-know-what and vinegar, energy galore,
Will he act goofy today? — Does a hungry lion roar?…
…Back at home, he trudges slowly through the side door,
A frown and fret on his heart, like a festering sore,
His mind a dark cavern, not a thing to live for.
He takes off his mask, the transition’s complete,
‘Cuz you can’t be a clown when lives got you beat.
2. School
by Annika Johnson
Why does a child have to go to school?
Why do we have to spend so much time working?
This seems simply cruel.
Isn’t it just irking?
Some people say school is important for learning
Couldn’t a child learn on their own?
It would cause much less yearning,
After all, we can learn from our phones.
I can somewhat see a parents point in sending their child to school.
But why would you choose what we wear?
It just allows us to look like fools,
We may as well come to school bear.
As you can see school is not fair,
So please don’t force us to go if you care.
3. The Project
by Sandra Haight
The Project
Son’s science quest,
insect nest finds;
school’s best project.
Saves in his room.
Wakes to doom when
with gloom, he cries.
Hundreds now crawl.
Every wall sports
hatched small mantes
4. Limerick to Honor a Calm Teacher
by Caren Krutsinger
Know you are the absolute best,
The new kid has given a test.
You stayed calm cool, and collected,
So completely unaffected,
His childish behavior a test
We are watching you here at the school
Your resistance makes some of us drool.
He is almost on our last nerve,
Taking some around the last curve,
Yet, your calmness surrounds like a pool.
We implore you to please teach us your way,
It seems he is here and going to stay,
I think it is totally true,
Because his mother is new too,
His mother, superintendent, Miss Kay.
5. The Nest
by Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Have you heard
about the bird
Who built a nest?
with zeal and zest?
With zeal and zest
with string and straw
It was the best nest
you ever saw.
She took her time
and smoothed out the creases
Then out jumped a chipmunk
who tore it to pieces?
6. Math Blues
by Cindi Rockwell
They try to give math a happier spin
“How many times can this number go in?”
As if you are part of some numerical clique
Because you can find a square root extra quick.
It’s always “add up,” time’s up,” “divide up,”
That keeps me looking down, counting down, feeling . . . yup.
I can’t find the angle for a celebration
When numbers and math are in the equation!!!
7. Bladder Problems in Class
by J.W. Earnings
Numbers on
White board…names written hori-
zontally
Students ask
To go pee…right when class starts –
THAT’S just wrong…
Bathroom line
Of students who have bladder
Problems – WOW!
People are
Not using lunchtime to do
Their business
No one knows
When to do their duties – SER-
IOUSLY?
8. Homework
by Mariam Traore
Homework oh’ homework
All kids say it stinks,
They say they won’t do it,
but that it would disappear once they blink,
They say who invented it;
and who brung it forth,
They say they wish teachers would stop giving it,
And all though I agree
Homework is a good thing,
It will help you, you’ll see
It will help tomorrow, today,
and years later
It will help you be smarter
it’ll help you participate
So don’t say that you hate it
All though you clearly do, because
you know that you need it
Don’t you?
9. School Days
by Cona Adams
I detest these stockings,
they’re coarse, brown and ugly.
I hate the garters more;
elastic circles that cut off
circulation and fail to halt
the laddering down my skinny legs.
If only . . . I picture myself
in warm jeans and no teasing
from Tommy Rogers.
I put the garters to better use,
roll the repulsive stockings
down around my ankles.
Tommy taunts,
“Who gave you
jointed toothpicks for legs?”
I lost it.
Now, Tommy has a black eye
and my nose is in the corner.
Funny Poems for Kids about animals
Poetry can be more evocative than prose at times. You will be introducing your child to fresh ways of telling, describing, and expressing different sorts of animals by reading and performing these funny poems for kids about animals with them.
1. The Crocodile
by Lewis Carroll
How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!
2. Eletelephony
by Laura Elizabeth Richards
Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant—
No! No! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone—
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I’ve got it right.)
Howe’er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee—
(I fear I’d better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)
3. My Doggy Ate My Essay
by Darren Sardelli
My doggy ate my essay.
He picked up all my mail.
He cleaned my dirty closet
and dusted with his tail.
He straightened out my posters
and swept my wooden floor.
My parents almost fainted
when he fixed my bedroom door.
I did not try to stop him.
He made my windows shine.
My room looked like a palace,
and my dresser smelled like pine.
He fluffed up every pillow.
He folded all my clothes.
He even cleaned my fish tank
with a toothbrush and a hose.
I thought it was amazing
to see him use a broom.
I’m glad he ate my essay
on “How to Clean My Room.”
4. The Parakeets
by Alberto Blanco
They talk all day
and when it starts to get dark
they lower their voices
to converse with their own shadows
and with the silence.
They are like everybody
—the parakeets—
all day chatter,
and at night bad dreams.
With their gold rings
on their clever faces,
brilliant feathers
and the heart restless
with speech…
They are like everybody,
—the parakeets—
the ones that talk best
have separate cages.
5. The Fish
by Elizabeth Bishop
I caught a tremendous fish
and held him beside the boat
half out of water, with my hook
fast in a corner of his mouth.
He didn’t fight.
He hadn’t fought at all.
He hung a grunting weight,
battered and venerable
and homely. Here and there
his brown skin hung in strips
like ancient wallpaper,
and its pattern of darker brown
was like wallpaper:
shapes like full-blown roses
stained and lost through age.
He was speckled with barnacles,
fine rosettes of lime,
and infested
with tiny white sea-lice,
and underneath two or three
rags of green weed hung down.
While his gills were breathing in
the terrible oxygen
—the frightening gills,
fresh and crisp with blood,
that can cut so badly—
I thought of the coarse white flesh
packed in like feathers,
the big bones and the little bones,
the dramatic reds and blacks
of his shiny entrails,
and the pink swim-bladder
like a big peony.
I looked into his eyes
which were far larger than mine?
but shallower, and yellowed,
the irises backed and packed
with tarnished tinfoil
seen through the lenses
of old scratched isinglass.
They shifted a little, but not
to return my stare.
—It was more like the tipping
of an object toward the light.
I admired his sullen face,
the mechanism of his jaw,
and then I saw
that from his lower lip
—if you could call it a lip—
grim, wet, and weaponlike,
hung five old pieces of fish-line,
or four and a wire leader
with the swivel still attached,
with all their five big hooks
grown firmly in his mouth.
A green line, frayed at the end
where he broke it, two heavier lines,
and a fine black thread
still crimped from the strain and snap
when it broke and he got away.
Like medals with their ribbons
frayed and wavering,
a five-haired beard of wisdom
trailing from his aching jaw.
I stared and stared
and victory filled up
the little rented boat,
from the pool of bilge
where oil had spread a rainbow
around the rusted engine
to the bailer rusted orange,
the sun-cracked thwarts,
the oarlocks on their strings,
the gunnels—until everything
was rainbow, rainbow, rainbow!
And I let the fish go.
6. The Tyger
by William Blake
Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand, dare seize the fire?
And what shoulder, & what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & What dread feet?
What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?
When the stars threw down their spears,
And water’d heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?
Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
7. The Caterpillar
by Robert Graves
Under this loop of honeysuckle,
A creeping, coloured caterpillar,
I gnaw the fresh green hawthorn spray,
I nibble it leaf by leaf away.
Down beneath grow dandelions,
Daisies, old-man’s-looking-glasses;
Rooks flap croaking across the lane.
I eat and swallow and eat again.
Here come raindrops helter-skelter;
I munch and nibble unregarding:
Hawthorn leaves are juicy and firm.
I’ll mind my business: I’m a good worm.
When I’m old, tired, melancholy,
I’ll build a leaf-green mausoleum
Close by, here on this lovely spray,
And die and dream the ages away.
Some say worms win resurrection,
With white wings beating flitter-flutter,
But wings or a sound sleep, why should I care?
Either way I’ll miss my share.
Under this loop of honeysuckle,
A hungry, hairy caterpillar,
I crawl on my high and swinging seat,
And eat, eat, eat—as one ought to eat.
8. The Pasture
by Robert Frost
I’m going out to clean the pasture spring;
I’ll only stop to rake the leaves away
(And wait to watch the water clear, I may):
I shan’t be gone long.—You come too.
I’m going out to fetch the little calf
That’s standing by the mother. It’s so young,
It totters when she licks it with her tongue.
I shan’t be gone long.—You come too.
9. The Tree Sparrows
by Joseph O. Legaspi
We suffer through blinding equatorial heat,
refusing to unfold the suspended bamboo shade
nested by a pair of hardworking, cheerless sparrows.
We’ve watched them fly in-and-out of their double
entryways, dried grass, twigs clamped in their beaks.
They skip, nestle in their woodsy tunnel punctured
with light, we presume, not total darkness, their eggs
aglow like lunar orbs. What is a home? How easily
it can be destroyed: the untying of traditional ropes,
pull, the scroll-unraveling. For want of a sweltering
living room to be thrown into relief by shadow.
The sunning couple perch open-winged, tube lofty
as in Aristophanes’ city of birds, homemade sturdy
by creature logic and faith that it will all remain afloat.
10. Crows
by Marilyn Nelson
What if to taste and see, to notice things,
to stand each is up against emptiness
for a moment or an eternity—
images collected in consciousness
like a tree alone on the horizon—
is the main reason we’re on the planet?
The food’s here of the first crow to arrive,
numbers two and three at a safe distance,
then approaching the hand-created taste
of leftover coconut macaroons.
The instant sparks in the earth’s awareness.
Funny Poems for Kids about Family
Surprisingly, poetry and songs have a lot in common. They both communicate sentiments, ideas, and emotions, as well as provide meaning. Children like talking about their families. If you want to assist your child do the same, share these funny poems for kids about family and home life with them and have them recite them.
1. Father
by Edgar Guest
My father knows the proper way
The nation should be run;
He tells us children every day
Just what should now be done.
He knows the way to fix the trusts,
He has a simple plan;
But if the furnace needs repairs,
We have to hire a man.
My father, in a day or two
Could land big thieves in jail;
There’s nothing that he cannot do,
He knows no word like “fail.”
“Our confidence” he would restore,
Of that there is no doubt;
But if there is a chair to mend,
We have to send it out.
All public questions that arise,
He settles on the spot;
He waits not till the tumult dies,
But grabs it while it’s hot.
In matters of finance, he can
Tell Congress what to do;
But, O, he finds it hard to meet
His bills as they fall due.
It almost makes him sick to read
The things law-makers say;
Why, father’s just the man they need,
He never goes astray.
All wars he’d very quickly end,
As fast as I can write it;
But when a neighbor starts a fuss,
‘Tis mother has to fight it.
In conversation father can
Do many wondrous things;
He’s built upon a wiser plan
Then presidents or kings.
He knows the ins and outs of each
And every deep transaction;
We look to him for theories,
But look to ma for action.
2. Midnight in the Pantry
by Edgar Guest
You can boast your round of pleasures, praise the sound of popping corks,
Where the orchestra is playing to the rattle of the forks,
And your after-opera dinner you may think superbly fine,
But that can’t compare, I’m certain, to the joy that’s always mine
When I reach my little dwelling—source, of all sincere delight—
And I prowl around the pantry in the waning hours of night.
When my business, or my pleasure, has detained me until late,
And its midnight, say, or after, when I reach my own estate,
Though I’m weary with my toiling I don’t hustle up to bed,
For the inner man is hungry and he’s anxious to be fed,
Then I feel a thrill of glory from my head down to my feet
As I prowl around the pantry after something good to eat.
Oft I hear a call above me: ‘Goodness gracious, come to bed!’
And I know that I’ve disturbed her by my overeager tread,
But I’ve found a glass of jelly and some bread and butter, too,
And a bit of cold fried chicken and I answer: ‘When I’m through!’
Oh, there’s no cafe that better serves my precious appetite
Then the pantry in our kitchen when I get home late at night.
You may boast your shining silver, and the linen and the flowers,
And the music and the laughter and the lights that hang in showers,
You may have your cafe table with its brilliant array,
But it doesn’t charm yours truly when I’m on my homeward way,
For a greater joy awaits me, as I hunger for a bite—
Just the joy of pantry-prowling in the middle of the night.
3. The Good Little Boy
by Edgar Guest
Once there was a boy who never
Tore his clothes, or hardly ever,
Never made his sister mad,
Never whipped fer bein’ bad,
Never scolded by his Ma,
Never frowned at by his Pa,
Always fit fer folks to see,
Always good as good could be.
This good little boy from Heaven,
So I’m told, was only seven,
Yet he never shed real tears
When his mother scrubbed his ears,
An’ at times when he was dressed
Fer a party, in his best,
He was careful of his shirt
Not to get it smeared with dirt.
Used to study late at night,
Learning’ how to read an’ write;
When he played a baseball game,
Right away he always came
When his mother called him in.
An’ he never made a din
But was quiet as a mouse
when they’d company in the house.
Liked to wash his hands and face,
Liked to work around the place;
Never, when he’d tired of play,
Left his wagon in the way,
Or his bat a ball around–
Put ’em where they could be found;
An’ that good boy married Ma,
A to-day he is my Pa.
4. Two Riding on A Single
by Sara Kendrick
Two riding on a single
Man! How fast that bike will go
Down the hill around the curve
Blow wind blow
At the very bottom piled up
In a culvert drain
In great agony and pain
Totally distained
Crumpled metal, torn clothes
Bleeding and blood stains
Harsh words from parents
Tears as soap and water cleaned
All the cuts and bruises
And clothes that had to be changed
What an ending to Christmas
The joy of Santa’s gift
Lying dented and scuffed bent
Beside the porch needing to be fixed
5. Monday Morning Madness
by Susan Jeavons
Just because the morning starts
like the morning straight from hell,
and the little one is screaming
and you need a magic spell,
just because you burned the pancakes
and the bacon, well it’s crisp,
do not rant and rave and stutter
or you’ll acquire a nasty lisp!
If your husband’s little habits
drive you batty, do not fret,
but don’t fill his cup with poison;
well, perhaps at least not yet!
If the dog destroyed your curtains
and your mother-in-law is back,
and you hurt your precious pinky
when you tried to nail a tack,
do not turn suicidal
and do not give up, no way!
After all it’s just the morning!
You still have the whole damn day!
6. Keep it in the Family
by Jan Allison
In flagranti with an unknown lover
Sprang apart from underneath the cover
How his wife she did shout
Now his secret was out –
His hidden lover was her own mother!
7. Grumplicious!
by David Dowling
Why are you so grumpy?
Pray, what made you so?
What gave rise to those dark eyes,
and snivel on your nose?
Why are you so grumpy?
-Don’t give me the charade!
I see through that bright red nose,
upon that white clown face!
Why are you so grumpy?
Oh, come now, don’t hold back.
I know you know that I know well,
the way you always act.
You cover and hide,
and hurry your stride,
you act as though I’m clueless.
Pout and weep,
mumble and freep,
I know that’s no word, BUT YOU DO IT!
So, if you’re feeling’ grumpy,
don’t let that raincloud set.
The day that comes after this one,
could be your greatest yet!
8. No, You Hold the Chicken!
by Johnette Loefgren
No, you hold the chicken
you hold the duck
you hold the baby;
I’ll drive the truck!
You bring the corn bread
I’ll bring the wine
we’ll go to Mamas’
and have a good time
You wake up Grandad
I’ll feed the cow
get us some slop
and start sloppin the sow
Get Jr.’s overalls
off of the line
Let’s go to Mamas’
and have us a time!
Go get my banjo
and Grand Daddy’s fiddle
yor juice harp’s out back
on the porch where I whittle
We’ll have us a ho down
a shindig devine
Let’s go to Mamas’
and have us a time!
She’ll spread out the grunions
under the pines
Let’s all go to Mamas’
and have a good time!
C’mon,
Y’all!!
9. Dirty Laundry
by Cheryl Ann Ross
I’ve come to believe that dirty laundry
is alive.
Just when you’re down to one batch, you turn
around and there are five.
And I also believe that laundry runs around
at night by itself.
“Cause “no one” gets it dirty, or takes it down
from the shelf.
“I don’t know where it all came from” is
what I always hear.
All those towels have a mind of their own, is
now what I fear.
There’re four kids, three adults and seven days in
the week.
How that can turn into twenty batches, to this
question, the answer I seek.
If I’d just invested in Proctor and Gamble when
they first went on the market,
Today I’d have a Rolls Royce, along with a
driver to park it.
10. My Heritage
by Sarah Cassleman
My heritage is a mixture
Of backgrounds. Let’s start on
My Dad’s side of the family.
My Dad’s mom is Irish and English.
My Dad’s dad is Irish and German.
My Mom’s mom is Scottish and Irish.
My Mom’s dad is blood Hungarian.
So, in other words,
I’m a mutt! or as others say,
“Heinz 57!”
Funny Poems for Kids about the Self
Poems that combine rhyme and humor in unexpected ways offer various advantages for children. They go above and beyond just having a good time with you. It is advised that you begin introducing poetry to your child with these funny poems for kids about the Self.
1. Self-Talk
by lim’rik flats
A man of wry wit
Wrote his own obit
He said,
I’m dead,
That’s the end of it
2. Friend – A Gift to Self
by Virginia Waters
A friend I’d like – someone like me
Fun and cheeky, full of integrity.
Gardening lover, nature attuned
of life’s useless baggage pruned
perhaps also a crafter of words
Enjoying too, the flight of birds
A hawk winding a spiral on the wing
is a particularly magical thing.
So here be a quirky, crazy, active sort
Uses gift of the gab in glowing retort.
Nature guardian and explorer of seaside pools
Crafty proponent for reading the rules!
3. Self-Image
by Sunshine Smile
A hen behaved very hip
nobody liked her ego trip
Free cruise to Honolulu
Her name is now Lulu
She enjoys life and skinny dip
4. My Boredom Disease
by J.W. Earnings
Like sick allergies,
Boredom can be passed around
I call it: THE BOREDOM DISEASE
Like a horrid storm,
Boredom can catch you off guard
Hold on for DEAR LIFE!
Like the whooping cough,
Boredom can be serious
If I, were you, I’d?
Get a vaccination!
5. Cookies-Food for Thought
by Deborah Finneran
Cookies –
Why can’t I have the chocolate one
I want more
She took my cookie
Hers is bigger than mine
I want to trade
That’s not fair
Cookies +
Thank you for the cookie
I love you
Thanks for all you do for me
I am satisfied
This is good
I am loved
6. Self-control
by Richard nnoli
Self-control
When a man lacks
Self-control
He lacks
Self-pride
So, start from here
If you ever think of
Change.
7. Silly Self-Talk
by Sarita Milliner
I had a conversation with myself, as many of us often do,
I asked myself a question, and expected an answer too.
Did you ever take time out, to let your imagination run wild?
As you walked in the sand, bucket in hand like an innocent young child.
Did you ever stop to wonder, what you would do?
If you looked outside, the sky was green and all the grass was blue.
Did you ever say to yourself, if not now, then when?
As you stood pool side and pondered, jumping into the deep end.
No, I never stopped to think what, when, where, why or how!
I just ran around in circles, trying to lasso a spotted cow.
8. Steak and Potatoes
by kewayne wadley
In all honesty.
I think what I truly desired was to be put on a plate.
And be devoured piece by piece.
My attention, all my free time.
Everything that no one else could see.
With knife and fork.
T be taken apart and devoured tastefully.
With nothing left except the juice of where I laid.
The tough parts that take time to cut,
Revealed in an instant.
To be desired in mutual attraction, a certain craving.
Covered in salt, pepper, a slice of butter.
All of my interests, my habits.
The anticipation of being sizzled and flipped on a cast iron skillet.
Served fresh on a plate.
A baked potato on the side to bring out the taste.
In all honesty.
I think I’ll have a steak
Funny Poems for Kids in English
Poems and melodies are the two things we learn during our pre-school years. Poetry in English is, in reality, one of the most popular subjects in schools. Furthermore, teachers teach English poems for children at their different schools. In this part, we will discuss some of the greatest English rhymes for kids to recite.
1. Cow in My Soup
by Kevin T. Pearson
My mom said, “Eat all your soup,
every piece of chicken and every noodle.”
But there’s a cow in my soup.
I need to get him out of there.
I don’t know if he can swim.
How he got there, I’m not aware.
My mom says, “Stop slurping your soup,”
every time he starts to moo.
Heck, I’m just hoping he doesn’t poop
He keeps splashing me with his tail.
My mom says, “You’re making a mess.”
She must have gotten this soup on sale.
I give up; it’s no use.
My mom says, “For dessert,
We’re having chocolate mousse.”
2. Front Row
by Denise Rodgers.
My desk is in the first two rows
that’s just beneath the teacher’s nose
Her eyes are on me, just like glue.
She watches everything I do.
I raise my hand. I seldom speak.
I swear I am the perfect geek.
I wish I was row four or five,
and then I’d really come alive.
I’d throw some spitballs, pass some notes.
I’d really get the teacher’s goat.
I’d make them laugh. I’d be a ham.
I like to joke. That’s who I am.
My teacher knows — and what I fear
Is that being why she keeps me nearby.
3. Mr. Grumpledump’s Song
by Shel Silverstein
Everything’s wrong,
Days are too long,
Sunshine’s too hot,
Wind is too strong.
Clouds are too fluffy,
Grass is too green,
Ground is too dusty,
Sheets are too clean.
Stars are too twinkly,
Moon is too high,
Water’s too drippy,
Sand is too dry.
Rocks are too heavy,
Feathers too light,
Kids are too noisy,
Shoes are too tight.
Folks are too happy,
Singin’ their songs.
Why can’t they see it?
Everything’s wrong!
4. Mother Doesn’t Want a Dog
by Judith Viorst
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
Mother says they smell,
And never sit when you say sit,
Or even when you yell.
And when you come home late at night
And there is ice and snow,
You have to go back out because
The dumb dog has to go.
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
Mother says they shed,
And always let the strangers in
And bark at friends instead,
And do disgraceful things on rugs,
And track mud on the floor,
And flop upon your bed at night
And snore their doggy snore.
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
She’s making a mistake.
Because, more than a dog, I think
She will not want this snake.
5. Sick
by Shel Silverstein
“I cannot go to school today,”
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bump.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more–that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut–my eyes are blue–
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke–
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is–what?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G’bye, I’m going out to play!”
6. Sneezles
by A. A. Milne
Christopher Robin
Had wheezles
And sneezles,
They bundled him
Into
His bed.
They gave him what goes
With a cold in the nose,
And some more for a cold
In the head.
They wondered
If wheezles
Could turn
Into measles,
If sneezles
Would turn
Into mumps;
They examined his chest
For a rash,
And the rest
Of his body for swellings and lumps.
They sent for some doctors
In sneezles
And wheezles
To tell them what ought
To be done.
All sorts and conditions
Of famous physicians
Came hurrying round
At a run.
They all made a note
Of the state of his throat,
They asked if he suffered from thirst;
They asked if the sneezles
Came after the wheezles,
Or if the first sneezles
Came first.
They said, “If you teazle
A sneezles
Or wheezles,
A measle
May easily grow.
But humour or pleazle
The wheezle
Or sneezle,
The measle
Will certainly goes.”
They expounded the reazles
For sneezles
And wheezles,
The manner of measles
When new.
They said “If he freezles
In draughts and in breezles,
Then PHTHEEZLES
May even ensue.”
Christopher Robin
Got up in the morning,
The sneezles had vanished away.
And the look in his eye
Seemed to say to the sky,
“Now, how to amuse them to-day?”
7. My Shadow
by Robert Louis Stevenson
I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.
The funniest things about him are the way he likes to grow-
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an India rubber ball,
And he sometimes gets so little that there’s none of him at all.
He hasn’t got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.
He stays so close beside me, he’s a coward you can see;
I’d think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!
One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an errant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.
8. Wynken, Blynken, And Nod
by Eugene Field More Eugene Field
Wynken, Blynken, and Nod one night
Sailed off in a wooden shoe, —
Sailed on a river of crystal light
Into a sea of dew.
“Where are you going, and what do you wish?”
The old moon asked the three.
“We have come to fish for the herring-fish
That live in this beautiful sea;
Nets of silver and gold have we,”
Said Wynken,
Blynken,
And Nod.
The old moon laughed and sang a song,
As they rocked in the wooden shoe;
And the wind that sped them all night long
Ruffled the waves of dew;
The little stars were the herring-fish
That lived in the beautiful sea.
“Now cast your nets wherever you wish, —
Never afraid are we!”
So cried the stars to the fishermen three,
Wynken,
Blynken,
And Nod.
All night long their nets they threw
To the stars in the twinkling foam, —
Then down from the skies came the wooden shoe,
Bringing the fishermen home:
‘Twas all so pretty a sail, it seemed
As if it could not be;
And some folk thought ’twas a dream they’d dreamed
Of sailing that beautiful sea;
But I shall name you the fishermen three:
Wynken,
Blynken,
And Nod.
Wynken and Blynken are two little eyes,
And Nod is a little head,
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies
Is a wee one’s trundle-bed;
So shut your eyes while Mother sings
Of wonderful sights that be,
And you shall see the beautiful things
As you rock in the misty sea
Where the old shoe rocked the fishermen three: —
Wynken,
Blynken,
And Nod.
9. Row Row Row Your Boat
by Anonymous
Row Row Row Your Boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily merrily
Life is but a dream.
Row Row Row Your Boat
Gently down the stream
If you see a crocodile
Don’t forget to scream
10. Now we are six
by A. A. Milne
When I was One,
I had just begun.
When I was Two,
I was nearly new.
When I was Three
I was hardly me.
When I was Four,
I was not much more.
When I was Five,
I was just alive.
But now I am Six,
I’m as clever as clever,
So, I think I’ll be six now for ever and ever.
Final Thoughts on Funny Poems for Kids
Kids will benefit from the funny poems for kids we shared with you, whether for a school assignment or as part of Read a Poem a Day to a Child. Poems are an excellent method to bond with your child while also educating them something useful.
These poems can also assist children improve their language and communication abilities. Children are encircled by poetry every day without ever realizing it, thanks to nursery rhymes, fairytales, and singalongs.
Aside from making your children happy, funny poems for kids may enhance your child’s growth and development by assisting them grasp patterns, expand their vocabulary, and recall knowledge.
Teach your child these all-time favorite funny kids poems. They are simple to recite, and your child will rapidly learn them. Reciting these poems will help your child’s vocabulary and speaking abilities, making him smarter.
